Confident in Self or God?

Greetings and thanks to all who have decided to read my blog today! I know that I usually post my blogs on Sunday but I didn't want to share anything until I was led in the spirit. I've been praying for God to send or show me something that He wants me to talk about that would not only allow me to be transparent but would be beneficial and encouraging to those who are reading. I have a list of blog ideas and one of the topics I have written down was "He will turn it around" and ironically, what I will be discussing is the prime example of that!

Like stated in my previous blogs, I am a recent graduate of college and one of my biggest aspirations in life is to be a pediatrician. No, not because of the money at all but because I truly have a passion for encouraging, uplifting, and supporting children by any means necessary. Growing up, I've always received love from every corner of my life and one of my biggest inspirations at the time was my pediatrician. I've always admired her drive, empathy towards her patients, and her work ethic literally spoke for itself. Ever since I was 5 years old, I have been saying that this was what I wanted to do in life and 17 years later, this is what I'm still pursuing.

TRANSPARENCY BEGINS:

I've told you all before that I graduated with a 3.5 which is honestly a blessing especially as a biology major but at the time, I was disappointed in myself. I graduated from high school as the salutatorian with a 4.5 and just figured that life would be a breeze but honestly, this wasn't what I signed up for lol. I'm truly a perfectionist and I know that nobody is perfect but God but this has been something that I've struggled with for MANY years. So basically whenever I don't achieve the highest standard, I beat myself up and start condemning myself which I know isn't good but I'm working on it lol.

So I attended college on a full ride academic scholarship, PRAISE GOD because we did not have the funds for college at all. If it wasn't for the scholarship, I would have entered the military which I didn't want to do at the time so God is awesome lol. However, I knew that we definitely didn't have the funds for medical school so I planned on joining the Air Force upon graduating from college. But after doing some re-evaluating of my life I realized that this wasn't what I wanted to do but what others wanted of me. Be mindful, I always knew that I wanted to attend medical school because how else would I become a doctor? lol but I planned on going next year or the year after because of the military. So then I realized that you take the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test) the year prior to seeking admission. So by me wanting to start next August, I had to take the test between this January and September. I definitely was not ready mentally or even physically to take this exam but God literally opened many doors for me to do so. Long story short, I thought that I did well on it but actually I didn't get the score that I wanted. I felt stupid, dumb, like a failure and even wanted to throw the towel in completely after looking at the reality of my score. But after praying, meditating, worshipping, receiving Godly support and insight from a few people, I realized that you can't allow one obstacle or even five that are in your way to hold you up or back. God already knew that I would not have did well on this test but He still saw fit for me to have this desire to become a doctor. He still saw fit to allow His plan to prevail regardless of what society or the schools may require. No man can close any door on your life that God has declared to be opened! I also realized that this "failure" was needed to shape and transform my mentality and perspective. Like stated earlier, I've always made great grades so for me to not perform as well as I hoped, I was able to see that I'm not perfect and that is okay. If I would have performed well, I would have viewed my success as something that I did on my own, even though I would have been appreciative and grateful. However, by God allowing this "failure" to happen, I will understand that this will give God the opportunity to manifest His own will in my life. He will be able to show me that His grace and mercy is what has allowed me entrance into medical school. It's not about what I did or what I did not do, it's about what God CAN do period! This whole situation will be able to bring glory to God and to His kingdom because none of it literally would have been possible without Him. This is truly one of those situations that you can't see working out in the physical but in the spiritual realm, you know that God is working. Better yet, it's DONE already in Jesus' Name! That's why it's so important to view things with God's eyesight and with your own spiritual eyes because the physical will seem so cloudy and you won't be able to see the potential and positive that is coming. But with spiritual eyes, you are able to say "though I may not see anything happening, I have faith and confidence that God is in control". With all of this being said, I still am applying to medical school and I am sealing my application with the blood of Jesus!

In closing, once again I thank you greatly for reading my blog and definitely feel free to read my previous ones! I know that it's not easy to fall short, make mistakes, "fail" etc. but remember that nothing can stop God's plan, purpose and promise for you from coming into fruition. Remember "In God's Will" means trusting that it may not happen today, tomorrow, next week, or even next month but do you trust God enough to believe that it will happen in His timing? Is your confidence placed in yourself or God? Do you rely on your own intelligence, health, strength, courage, "who you know", finances etc to open doors for you or do you trust with even all that you embody and have, that God is wiser, stronger, and greater? Remember Philippians 1:6, "Being confident of this, He who has began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (NIV). It may not be happening when or how you want it to but allow the season that you are in to shape, transform and draw you nearer to Christ. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you - Matthew 6:33. I pray that my transparency has encouraged someone to seek God more deeply! Peace and blessings until next time :)