Single & I Don't Wanna Mingle

Greetings to all who have decided to read my blog once again! Thank you so much for all of the support and I pray that my transparency continues to not only relate to your circumstances but encourages you in spite of. I know that I've usually been releasing my blogs on each Sunday but I have upcoming plans this weekend lol, so I wanted to handle my priorities first. I hope that is fine with you all!

Single & I Don't Wanna Mingle is another topic that I've had on my list for future blogs. This is honestly the perfect time for me to release this blog because there is actually someone that I may be a little interested in but I'm just allowing God to handle that.

But seriously, I've been single for roughly 9 years. I turn 22 in a few days so you can do the math lol. I've honestly never had one of those serious, "ride or die" relationships. Especially considering that we were young and young-minded, the relationships (if I really could call them that) were really like puppy love. I've also been in MANY situationships and oh my gosh, ladies and gentlemen PLEASE DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT PREDICAMENT EVER. I've found myself going in nothing but circles with some guys just because I thought that I would've been able to change them. I knew what they were about, I remembered the pain & stress caused from dealing with them and I knew deep down that they wouldn't change but I still found myself giving them chance after chance. If someone shows you their true colors, stop trying to paint a different picture. Please note, that you cannot change anyone! People will only act right for someone that they really want. Please know your worth and know that you deserve someone that will be appreciative of you. You don't deserve the mixed emotions, wondering whether you're single or in a relationship, checking his/her social media accounts or phone or the shed tears.

But back to me .. Honestly, after awhile I became against relationships! Any man who tried to "talk" to me or wanted to show interest in me, I shunned. Even if the man was genuinely a good man, I wouldn't have known because unknowingly I placed all men in the same category of "ain't ****". I simply believed that every man that tried to come into my life was aiming to hurt me in some way, shape or form. A lot of people say that the lack of a father or father figure causes this but not exactly in my situation. I grew up with my father until he passed away 6 years ago. Though he wasn't perfect, he has showed me how a woman should be treated and has set the standards high for any man who seeks my attention. However, we didn't have a lot of conversations about relationships (because he would've killed me haha jp) while he was alive so that may have played a part.

They say that college is where you find your true love but I must have missed the memo lol. I actually had this vision of thinking that I would have found my potential husband in undergrad but that wasn't how it was supposed to happen. College is basically where I encountered those situationships. With the first guy, he basically played me and this other girl during the same time. He turned us against each other by filling both of our heads up with lies regarding each other and we realized that he wasn't worth it. However, I really had so much hope for him and for us. I literally gave him chance after chance and he continued to show me how stupid I was. But later I realized that I wasn't stupid, he was. I'm a great woman who loves God with a heart of gold and I could never lose. The second guy I really felt like we were going somewhere but like most guys, his mind was on one thing. I will share with you all that I'm a virgin and I aim to stay this way until marriage. A lot of men will say that it's amazing that I value myself but won't pursue me because they know that I'm not willing to give it up. And honestly that is a little hurting because you would think that a good heart, intellect, and other positive characteristics would be enough but sometimes it isn't especially for this generation. During my senior year, the first guy literally broke me. The confidence that I've spent soooo many years developing, he broke it in only a few days. I literally felt worthless. I kept wondering "why doesn't he like me? and if he does, why doesn't he want to be serious? Am I not good enough?". Sadly for awhile after this, I began to believe that I wasn't good enough. And you would think that at a certain point, the games and running from person to person would end but like they say "age doesn't define maturity". I had to realize that my worth did not decrease just because someone failed to notice it. I can't make someone settle down and appreciate me and to be honest, my job isn't to wait around for you to notice my worth.

I told myself and God that I was done with unequally yoked relationships. That I wouldn't give any man the time of day that wasn't seeking the heart of God first. Yes, those guys may have loved or believed in God but sometimes that isn't enough. I aspire to have a man by my side that will be just as interested as I am in God's kingdom or even more. I need someone who is willing to grow in all aspects of life but definitely spiritually. God has to be the foundation of our relationship because when things become shaky, we must have Him to stand firm on. Yes, I do aim to get married to the man that God has for me but until then, I'm perfectly fine with enjoying my own presence and growing into the woman God has destined me to be. There is a lot that plays into marriage and you are literally giving up the I for we, for us. I know that I'm not ready yet for this commitment because there are still areas within myself and in my life that I must be delivered from and voids that must be filled. I pray for God to continue to fill those voids, to mold me into that great wife, awesome mother and more importantly, someone who He is always proud of.

But I love you all and I pray that this has helped someone. Stay encouraged until next time! #TransparencyWins